Dating The Divorced Man - Is It Safe?
By : Lee Blackspur
Divorce rates are at an all-time high in the United States and it is estimated that approximately nine in ten people will marry with at least half of their "first marriages" ending in divorce. Dating tips for women will typically recommend that you avoid involvement with a recently divorced man. I think we can all agree that these statistics make that a bit impossible. The general belief is that these men are damaged goods. They are dealing with all kinds of emotional pain, hurt, anger and grief. There may be children impacted by the divorce and battles over custody, alimony, property division and who knows what else? But, really, what man doesn't come with some kind of baggage? Especially fresh out of a breakup?
Dating tips for women suggest that women interested in a relationship with someone recently divorced need to learn as much as possible about the failed marriage and divorce.
Was the divorce the result of tumultuous relationship or irreconcilable differences?
Have the divorce proceedings been finalized or are he and his ex-wife still battling over certain issues, wants and demands?
It is important to know such things before becoming serious with someone recently separated or divorced. You need to be prepared for any changes in his mood or demeanor that could be the result of irritability from the divorce proceedings.
Another dating tip in this situation is making sure he is emotionally available following the divorce. For instance, if the marriage collapsed because he learned of his wife having an extra marital affair, he may have difficulty trusting another woman for a period of time following the separation. If the marriage ended for reasons he can't necessarily comprehend he may have concerns about being hurt again by another woman. If it was his own infidelity that collapsed his marriage and family he may be carrying quite a bit of guilt with a feeling that he is incapable of monogamy. You need to know these concerns before getting too serious.
Some experts will ideally suggest for a woman to stay away from a man that is "freshly divorced". There is a possibility that he may not be over everything yet. Pay close attention to how often he talks about his ex-wife. This is a delicate situation because you obviously need to have certain questions answered about the relationship he and his ex-wife shared as well as where it went wrong. At the same time you don't want him sitting around talking endlessly about her.
First of all, it's unhealthy for him, but it could also be a red flag that you need to recognize. If he's talking about her quite frequently she is obviously on his mind and it's likely that he still carries some strong feelings for her. Perhaps he can't necessarily break away from her. Especially if there are children involved and she's still in his life to a certain degree. This is another thing that you have to be accepting of if you become involved with a divorced man. The ex will remain a presence in his life if she is the mother of his children. This can be difficult for some women to deal with.
Be sure he isn't confused as to what he currently wants. He may think that he's looking for a committed relationship, when he's actually curious about playing the field, possibly making up for lost time if he married young and never dated much. One sign of the latter is whether or not he introduces you to friends, family and his ex-wife and children. If it's a relationship that he is looking for, be leery of whether he's looking at you as a replacement for his wife. Is he trying to force activities on you that the two of them shared? Is he too eager to have you take care of him? Has he recommended that you move in entirely too soon? There may be a needy aspect to his personality so just make sure that you aren't acting as a wife substitution.
About the Author
Lee Blackspur is the owner of My-Dating-Advice.com which provides online and offline dating tips, advice and articles for men, women and teens of all ages and experience.
http://www.AdSenseThai.Net
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